Where to Begin?

This blog post has been on my mind for the past 24 days (the last time I wrote), and in that time I've had a million ideas for what to write, funny stories to share, deeper thoughts and commentaries on the culture here - but for some reason each time I sit down, I end up stuck with my mouse over the "New Post" link, unable to find a defined beginning.

Of course the reason I'm explaining this process to you is because I find myself in a similar place right now. The last 3 weeks have been a blur of new beginnings and disorganized chaos (note the emphasis). Amidst new classes, new class schedules (they change every week), new people, a new apartment, new tourist travels and adventures, new routines (or the breaking of a month of established routines), and even a new birth year (23?!), I've been swept into a surreal current of motions without definition despite the new milestones. Matthew West has a wonderful song that I drew on last year as I was trying to find where He was leading me through my waiting period called "The Motions". It talks about breaking out of the day-to-day and into God's Kingdom purposes, waking up to life.

Enter: Claire. But how do I begin to wake up to all God had in mind when He brought me here when I am unable to find a firm grasp on the reality of this place. Currently, reality for me is like those toys you find in museum gift shops - the clear plastic slippery tubes filled with colored liquid and some kind of figure that jump right out of your grasp whenever you squeeze onto it. My gauge on time is out of wack, it feels like I've been here for a year already, Colorado and Richmond and the last year seem millions of miles away, but at the same time it feels like I'll all of a sudden wake up and find my way back home - with Israel as a bizarre, momentary dream. Sometimes, more so lately, I kind of wish that was the case, because when I square up to the facts, a big part of me wants to turn over and hit the snooze button and wait just a little longer to walk forward through the coming fire and water that will challenge and change everything I know and am. What I do know is that the Lord is present - Adonai-shammah, and when everything else, including my role and my person here, is shaded or convoluted, He is ever the same. In another post I'll tell you all about religion in Israel, and what it is like to be a Christian here, but for now I'll just say that with the combination of our MSIH class and the culture of Israel, it is incredibly hard; I'm dealing with doubts, questions, isolation from community, and conversations in a way I never did before coming here.

Let me pause for a moment and say I'm listening to the Prince of Eqypt soundtrack as I write this post - the score for the Burning Bush is playing right now and I was struck by how similar to the Israelites my life is right now. No doubt Moses and everyone else kept thinking, what are we doing here? Is this really happening or am I dreaming - walking through sand dune after sand dune because I thought that is what God said to do? They embarked in such an eager, hopeful, SPECTACULAR way (the plagues and Red Sea and pillar of fire!!), but after a few months...And believe me, knowing the Negev now, I would be complaining and begging for water too. In fact, I already have a number of times this summer - I've also complained about pita (my manna) and wanted meat. I can no longer read the Old Testament and wonder how the Israelites didn't get it or were so quick to forget the way God had called them away from Egypt and into the Promised Land. It isn't very pretty, let's be honest. It's a desert with no vegetation. And if they were dealing with any of the same heat-induced hallucinations and lost grips on time, it can be difficult to remember clearly to the turning point, the deliverance and direction, they had been praying for in Egypt. But oh my goodness, there's nothing like the steadfast faithfulness and patience of God's love when you understand the perspective and still see God lovingly guiding them back. I'm expecting a number of reminders, as well as a number of firm reprimands, over my time here.

I promise I'll leave you all with an actual post about details from the past 3 weeks tomorrow (our Emergency Medicine OSCE, moving, classes, my birthday, a trip to the Dead Sea, Galilee and Nazareth, Rosh Hashana, etc). Like I said, it has been packed! I'm sorry for my neglect in communication - to those that were waiting expectantly to hear from me and I failed to write, I'm hoping that things will begin to change for the better!

"Perhaps this moment is unclear, but let it be; even if the next and many moments after that are unclear, let them be. Trust that God will help you work them out and that all the unclear moments will you to that moment of clarity and action when you are known by Him and know Him. For 'The God of our fathers has chosen you to know his will and to see the Righteous One and to hear words from his mouth.'" (Unknown, Acts 22:14)