While I'm Waiting

I'm waiting, I'm waiting on you Lord

And I am hopeful, I'm waiting on you Lord

Though it is painful, but patiently I will wait

I will move ahead, bold and confident

Taking ever step in obedience

While I'm waiting, I will serve you

While I'm waiting, I will worship

While I'm waiting, I will not faint

I'll be running the race, even while I wait

I'm waiting, I'm waiting on you Lord

And I am peaceful, waiting on you Lord

Though it's not easy, but faithfully I will wait

I ran across this song on my ipod on my flight from Istanbul to Tel Aviv (just came back from a trip to see one of my best friends in China over Sukkot break!).  It reminded me of the intense season of waiting the Lord had me in in my last years at college and the year after graduation (trying to figure out medical school, community, jobs, relationships, life...) as it was a song I listened to often to keep me grounded at the time.  A lot of life seems like a waiting room or period of transit...all to "arrive" at the action, purpose, next step...


While in China, I had the extraordinary opportunity to join my friend during one of her typical days in the ministry work for broken women.  We spent an hour reading the story of Abraham & Sarah, Isaac & Jacob, Jacob & Joseph...to Moses & the Israelites' 40 years in the wilderness. She poignantly emphasized, in answer to a question by one of the girls, that "God cares just as much, if not more, about the waiting as He does about the thing we're waiting for".


Do you feel like you're waiting for something?  Has it felt that way for so long that it seems you're 'stuck', maybe restless, or resigned to the present holding period?  I was so restless - it would frustrate me to tears - and I would cry out over and over: "Lord, I just want you to use me! When will this pain, longing, and desert end? I want to do something for Your Kingdom - Don't You want us to 'Go'?"  For a time the cries echoed back to me with no reply. But when I stopped making noise and started intently listening, He would simply, softly whisper, "I have not forgotten you". 


Abraham received a word from the Lord in his home at Ur and traveled to an unknown land...nearly 25 years later he was still waiting for that word to be fulfilled. The Bible is specific to show that he kept pressing on, believing God, but that he also faltered - growing doubtful and taking the situation into his own hands. I probably would have taken control of my circumstances too. But God STILL graced him with a son, keeping His word despite the mess Abraham made in the process (the word from the Lord was a vision that he would be a father of many nations).  And God proved His character - which gave Abraham the faith to become the father of nations - nations that still exist.  


What would Abraham's faith, hope, and confidence in the Lord's word, His very Name, have looked like if a son was born 9 months after his vision?  Would the nation of Israel have died by the famine in Egypt if Joseph hadn't trusted in joyful submission while waiting for years in a prison cell?  If Israel hadn't been delivered after 400 years of captivity, but 4, or hadn't anticipated the Promised Land for 40 long years...and then for the prophesied Messiah?


God created our hearts - He knows how inclined to trust in ourselves or others we are over Him. It's sad, but true.  And so it is His mercy and love that take us aside to a place of solitude, sorrow, strain, or rest, that we may come to a point of counter-cultural revelation: Where we open our eyes to our need and dependence. To the chaos that would ensue without a Sovereign (Good) God. 


To a point where knowing Jesus is life enough.  


Everything else - relationships, work, social justice, even pain, depression, personal history & seemingly impossible circumstances - they're all just another "get to know You" question given by the Lord for the Lord. A way to meet Him and know Him. Because, thankfully, He's above our messy lives, and lives in us in spite of them. 


When I applied to MSIH it was initially a joke with family and friends. Ha, go to medical school in Israel, that's so funny!  Then it became a 'practice interview' opportunity.  There was no way this would be the 'end' to my long wait. Then a rush of reality.  Oh, this is actually a serious option. 


In all my life, Jesus has never let me move forward from the seasons I mark as deep, soul-gutting trials until I've reached a point of total abandon.  Of course, that doesn't mean it's easy.  The waiting-transit mesh is usually difficult and confusing, and leaves me vulnerable to all sorts of insecurities, doubts, and low points. But the Lord doesn't let me encounter those things if I'm not resolved to follow Him - whoever, wherever, at whatever cost - in the abandon of my heart for His.  


Part of waiting is discovering His faithfulness and our confidence to hope in His promises (because all else fades, but the Word of the Lord stands forever [Isaiah 40:8]).  So I know He won't give me more than I can bear, more than He has been cultivating in the periods of waiting & periods of decision & periods of transition.  Therefore, even when feelings, emotions, or life-on-paper indicate otherwise, the inner-sanctuary of the heart and mind can look defiantly, "irrationally" at the external and grip onto the immovable Cornerstone.  

Great Wall of China - Huangyaguan Pass

Forbidden City - Beijing

Bei Ning Park - Autumn Colors!

Exploring the city with Britt-Couldn't have asked for a better break!